Poppy Flowers
by dragonfly-child
Summary: Hermione can't fall asleep so she starts to write...strange things...about- what am I telling you for? READ THE STORY! Oh yeah and please review!
1. Poppy Flowers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. What would happen if I did own Harry Potter? Oh yeah, I remember, IF I OWNED HARRY POTTER! I WOULD BE ROLLING IN MONEY! So, you get the point! ^-^  
  
This story is very...strange but I think you all will like it if you like random and strange stories.  
  
So...some people they go a lot to say before we actually get to read the story like some people write 'Man, I got a shit load of homework tonight, and I got to go to some stupid meeting at school and BLAH-D BLAH-D BLAH-D BLAH!' I bet you don't want to listen to my life now! Well....All I got to tell you is...I'M OUT OF SCHOOL! I GET TO WRITE MORE! NO MORE HOMEWORK...until September when school starts again *sigh*  
  
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Poppy Flowers  
  
Chapter 1: Poppy Flowers (yup same thing as the story title)  
  
Hermione was sitting up in her bed in the girl's dormitory at Hogwarts. It was past 12:10 in the night and she was getting drowsy. But she really could not get to sleep. You see, Paravati would not stop snoring loudly, and Lavender kept mumbling 'I love you Seamus!' 'Kiss me Seamus' and 'Oh Seamus, your sooooo sexy, I looooove you' That just got on Hermiones nerves...a lot.  
  
But what really pissed Hermione off was that two people where getting there groove on in the room next door, the were making loud 'disturbing' noises. She disapproved on how these two people were doing this...kind of stuff in school! That is so foolish and childish!  
  
But whatever Hermione did, she couldn't block the disturbing noises that she was hearing the pictures that came to her mind when she heard them. So, Hermione decided to do a little writing, just for fun to take her mind off what was happening next door.   
  
Hermione got out a piece of parchment and a quill out of her bedside table and wrote:  
  
Snape is similar to Elvis...no wait, he IS Elvis.  
  
Where was Hermione thinking of this idea? She asked herself over and over again, but nothing came to mind, she just kept writing because it was blocking the noises from the room next door.  
  
Snape is like Elvis because they both have greasy black  
hair, but  
Snape's hair is worse because smells and he puts deodorant  
to make  
it shine!  
  
Well, the slicked back greasy black hair was true, but maybe not the deodorant or smelly part, but youknow what? Hermione didn't really give a damn at this point, she was trying to get her mind off something, and when she needs to concentrate, she NEEDS to concentrate!  
  
And both shake their asses around because they think their  
dead  
sexy, OK, well, maybe Elvis WAS sexy...back in the day but  
Snape?  
He may THINK he's sexy, but guess what? He is drop dead U-G-  
L-Y  
he ain't got no alibi he's ugly! And I don't care if ain't  
is not a word!  
  
Oh well, there went her non-swearing policy. But as she thought, she was willing to do ANYTHING not to listen to those rated R sounds.  
  
But anyway, back to her parchment, she read what she had just wrote. Did Snape ever shake his ass around? Wait- yes, yes he did!  
  
* * * F * L * A * S * H * B * A * C * K * * *  
Hermione knocked on Snape's office door. She had a quick question about the essay her class was assigned that day. She waited for the door to open...but it wouldn't so she pounded on it louder and louder each time. But still it wouldn't open. So, she opened the door and let herself in.  
  
Horror filled her eyes as she entered the room and stood in the doorway. There she saw Snape dancing around on his desk clinging onto a teddy bear and shaking his ass around right at Hermione. Snape was also singing 'Like a Virgin' by Madonna. (AN: Hermione's face 0.o, hee hee funny)  
  
Hermione's mouth opened in terror to scream, but no sound escape, she was too shocked to say anything. She quickly turned around walked out and slammed that door trying to forget what she had just saw.  
  
It was a good thing that Snape was too happy and busy and he didn't notice her, if he did, she would be bacon in less then 3 minutes.  
  
* * * E * N * D * F * L * A * S * H * B * A * C * K * * * (AN: Wow, it takes a while to write that part LoL)  
  
And Hermione kept writing, knowing that her statement she wrote was true.  
  
Yup Snape is sooooooo similar to Elvis if you look at those  
finer points  
I just pointed out. Don't you agree, I think you should  
agree. If  
you don't agree I think you should die! MWAHAHAHA! Die I  
tell  
you. Now, I have a problem, two people are getting their  
groove on in  
the room next door to me, and I don't know what to do! It's  
like 1 in  
the morning and I'm trying to get to sleep but there  
annoying 'sounds'  
are bothering me...like a lot.  
  
Ok, this was getting on Hermione's nerves and she decided to write about something else, trying not to remind her about what was happening in the room next door or Snape, so she wrote:  
  
Once upon a time there was a ladybug named Baxter. Baxter  
lived on  
a poppy flower and he was a ladybug named Baxter. Baxter  
enjoyed  
lying out on a towel of a naked lady and he lived on a  
poppy flower.  
  
What was Hermione saying? Or more like writing.  
  
Baxter lives on a flower, a poppy flower to be exact! And  
he likes to  
eat tasty cakes and read Steven King novels and he  
absolutely hates taking the train to work because he is  
allergic to trains, and if he gets  
up to 5 feet near a train he'll have a farting attack and  
won't stop repeating 'I LOVE OLD LADIES AND I'M A PERVERT!'  
And  
Baxter also lives on a Poppy flower. Baxter also sells  
illegal drugs  
to underage ladybugs because he is a messed up ladybug who  
lives on  
a poppy flower.  
  
Hermione had no clue what she was writing about, but the sound seemed to be getting louder and more...disturbing. She decided to write about something more, not weird.  
  
So once upon a time there lived a little girl who lived  
with her  
grandma. She wasn't really her grandma, she was actually  
her uncle  
who got a sex change and had tons and tons of wrinkles.  
But she,  
or should I say he, insisted that the little girl should  
call him, or  
her Grandma. The little girl's name was Lindsay and she  
lived on a  
poppy flower.  
  
Hermione screamed. She was going mad! MAD! MAD! MAD! The noises from the other room suddenly stopped when Hermione screamed. Luckily, Lavender and Paravati didn't wake up, because they could like sleep through a fire, an earthquake, a thunderstorm, a tornado, a landslide, a hurricane, winds up to 400 miles per hour, and a snowstorm  
  
"I'M GOING INSANE! INSANE! I SWEAR! I'LL NEVER BE NORMAL AGAIN! POPPY FLOWER! POPPY FLOWER! POPPY FLOWER!" Hermione shrieked.  
  
"Um...Dave, I think someone in the other room is mad..." Came a girls voice from the room next door.  
  
Hermione crawled to the end of the bed where her teddy bear was and she pulled her wand out of her bed robe. "Oh and here's a daisy!" She said happily handing her wand to the bear and thinking it was a daisy "I would give you a poppy flower BUT I ATE THEM ALL!" Hermione laughed evilly and jumped off her bed.  
  
She walked over to the wall and started to bang her head on it over and over again and then she smashed her head on the wall so many times she got knocked out and fell asleep peacefully until the next morning.  
  
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So, how did you like my story!? My random story! Please review! 


	2. Why you?

Who liked the first chapter?  
  
*tons of children raise their hands and scream for more*  
  
Well then, here comes chapter 2! OK! CHAPPIE TWO!! WHEEEEEEEE!  
  
*children scream with excitement*  
  
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Poppy Flowers  
  
Chapter 2: Why you?  
  
The next morning, Ron woke up with the sunshine blazing into his eyes. He yawned, stretched, and stumbled out of bed. He ran his fingers through his hair as he started to walk sleepily towards the staircase that led down to the Gryffindor common room.  
  
Ron opened the door, and as soon as his foot hit the ground, he felt something underneath it. Ron attempted to open his half-shut eyes to look what he had stepped on, but his eyelids seemed to be asleep still. So he picked up the object that his stepped on. Just by picking it up, Ron could tell it was a piece of parchment.  
  
Ron then shuffled down the stairs to the Gryffindor common room and plopped himself into a cozy scarlet armchair. He opened his eyes, (YAY! THEY OPENED!) and stared down at the paper he held in his two hands.  
  
The first line on the parchment read, 'Snape is similar to Elvis...no wait, he IS Elvis.' Ron blinked twice and read the line over again. Who or what was Elvis? What did it mean? He read the next line, maybe that would give him clues on what or who Elvis was.  
  
So he read the second sentence that read 'Snape is like Elvis because they both have greasy black hair, but Snape's hair is worse because it smells and he puts deodorant on it to make it shine!' Ron rolled over laughing when he read this sentence. It was so true! But where did this person who wrote this actually get the idea that Snape puts deodorant in his hair? Oh well, it was funny shit!  
  
But then Ron read the part where he read about Baxter the lady bug...this part scared him a little. The person who wrote that had to be smoking something!  
  
After Ron read the whole piece of parchment he stared down at the paper he still had in his hands. Half afraid he felt- ok, he was more then half-afraid, HE WAS TERRIFYED! He threw the paper into the fire, maybe it had drugs smeared all over it, and what if someone smelled his hands and they smelled like pot or something? Ron smelled his hands. (sniff sniff) He smelled nothing, good. But there had to be a catch.  
  
Just then he saw Hermione scuffle down the staircase sleepily. He sighed dreamily. Ah, that graceful angel sent to me from the bright white gates of heaven! She's sooooooo cute! Ron gazed at Hermione fancifully. Hermione only raised her eyebrow.  
  
"WHAT?!" Hermione screamed. "WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME LIKE THAT?"  
  
"No reason in particular." Ron said still a bit dreamily. He could easily tell that she was in a cranky mood. OH, darn! Ron should have saved that paper to show Hermione! It sure would brighten up her day!  
  
"Oh 'mione-" Ron started but he didn't continue because Hermione blinked and gave Ron a strange look.  
  
"When did you start calling me 'Mione?" Hermione asked. "WHEN DID I GRANT YOU PERMISSION TO CALL ME 'MIONE?" Ron stuttered to try to find the words to say to her. "MAYBE I DON'T LIKE THE NICK NAME 'MIONE! DID YOU EVER THINK OF THAT?!" Hermione shrieked.  
  
"Um...no?" Ron said confusingly.  
  
"Well, I'm fine with the nick name 'mione" She said presently sitting down in an armchair across from where Ron was sitting.  
  
"What's wrong Hermione, is poor Hermionekins cranky?" Ron said in a playful voice, trying to cheer things up a little. Hermione only glared at him.  
  
"For you information, yes, I was up till one in the morning screaming at these two people who were...getting their groove on in the room next- door to me." Hermione said still pleasantly. Ron nodded. "So don't get on my nerves." She added angrily.  
  
"Well, anyway, I found this parchment this morning-" Ron started. He explained the whole thing to Hermione, hoping it would exhilarate her day.  
  
"You- you- you read th-that paper?" Hermione stuttered, slowly and nervously standing up from the armchair. Ron nodded confusingly. Hermione looked like she was about to cry.  
  
"WHY YOU!?" Hermione shrieked as she burst into tears and collapsed back into the armchair, making herself and the chair to topple over backwards.  
  
Ron immediately stood up to see is his precious angel had gotten hurt. She didn't seem to mind that she was on her back flinging her legs in the air, she was too busy screaming.  
  
"NO ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO READ THAT PAPER! NO ONE! AND ESPECIALLY NOT YOU! OUT OF ALL THESE MILLIONS AND BILLIONS OF PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, WHY YOU!?" Hermione screeched. "THE GUY I HAVE A CRUSH ON WASN'T SUPPOSED TO READ THAT!" Ron widened his eyes.  
  
"You mean Harry read this paper too?!" Ron asked. Hermione abruptly stopped screaming, stopped kicking her legs around in the air, and she stared at Ron.  
  
"YOU'RE MY CRUSH!" Hermione bellowed at Ron who finally stood up. A rush of happiness ran through Ron. Hermione liked him, Ronald Weasley! Oh! This had to be the best day of his life!  
  
"You like me?" Ron asked with a little disbelief. Hermione nodded. "That is like soooooo cool, because I like you too!" Ron said happily. "And now, we can be like a couple!"  
  
"But, we have another problem to deal with," Hermione said.  
  
"What?" Ron asked. "What's the problem?"  
  
"Well, this morning, before I came downstairs here, I kinda placed a curse on that paper-" Hermione muttered. "And whoever reads this paper, shall go insane in 3 days, and gradually as 3 days draws nearer, you will gradually become more mad." Hermione said slowly bowing her head.  
  
Ron stood there with a panic look on his face, mouth open, staring at Hermione.  
  
"KISS ME O SEXY ANGEL! BEFORE I DIE!" Ron screamed throwing his arms around Hermione and sticking her lips to hers. And the two stood there, kissing each other for...a while...tops maybe eight minutes.  
  
Hermione was the one to break the kiss.  
  
"We need to wake up Harry and tell him about this and try and help you!" Hermione said to Ron. But Ron wasn't listening, he was staring at something on his shoe. "ON NO!" Hermione cried as tears poured out of her eyes. "The curse is already starting to kick in! We must tell Harry! Why you Ron? WHY YOU?! WHY YOU RON?!" Hermione screamed. Ron shrugged.  
  
"Why are you asking me, you're the smart one who put that curse on that paper!." Ron said. Hermione sighed sadly.  
  
"Come on Ron," Hermione said softly grabbing Ron's hand and dragging him up to the dormitory. But as Hermione tried to drag him into the boys dormitory, Ron wouldn't budge.  
  
"I don't think you want to go in there now...sometimes, Seamus wears thongs to bed" Ron said staring at the dorm door. He didn't really want Hermione to see Seamus in a thong...that would be strange.  
  
So that's why Lavender has such a thing for him," Hermione said as a smile peaked across her face.  
  
"What?" Ron asked. Hermione shook her head and muttered "nothing"  
  
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POPPY FLOWERS WILL BE A VERY IMPORTANT FACTOR IN THIS STORY! NOW REVIEW!  
  
Yeah, that wasn't as funny as the first chapter but the next ones will be funny like....FUNNEL CAKE?! Baii baii! I'm gonna go eat funnel cake now! Please review before I kill you with non-toxic school glue- I mean...please review and I'll give you a virtual lollypop! *Smiles innocently* 


	3. A Duplicated Copy?

C! *clap clap clap clap* H! *clap clap clap clap* E! *clap* E! *clap* R! *clap* CHEER! *does a bag handspring* OK! I'm just joking, I'm not a cheerleader and I don't ever WANT to be one so *smiles* here's chapter 3!  
  
^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&^  
  
Poppy Flowers  
  
Chapter 3: A Duplicated Copy?  
  
"OH HARRY!" Hermione cried as she and Ron burst into the boy's dormitory after they made sure Seamus was out.  
  
"WHAT!? WHAT?! I SWEAR I DIDN'T STEAL THE-" Harry screamed as he sprung out of bed and just obviously woke up from a dream he was having. "oh..." Harry said then realizing that Ron and Hermione were standing in front of his bed staring at him. "Bad dream" he muttered as he blushed a little.  
  
"Something terrible has happened to Ron!" Hermione shrieked.  
  
"What? He got a girlfriend!" Harry chuckled. Ron jump then stuck his finger right up his noes and then giggled.  
  
"Um..." Hermione stared at Ron as he pulled the finger back out of his noes and ate the booger that was left on his finger tip.  
  
"Did Luna Lovegood smash a model of Pluto on Ron's head again?!" Harry said still chuckling.  
  
"NO! WORSE!" Hermione screamed. Harry then gasped.  
  
"LUNA LOVEGOOD SMAHSED A MODLE OF PLUTO ON RON'S HEAD AND THEN KISSED HIM?!" Harry bellowed. "Oh! I knew this was bad!"  
  
"NO! NO! NO! NOTHING WITH LUNA LOVEGOOD!" Hermione yelled!  
  
"Stop screaming! I'm trying to concentrate!" Ron said politely and then started to hum 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat' Harry and Hermione stared at Ron. Hermione with pity in her eyes and Harry was just freaked out.  
  
"Tell me what's going on and what the hell happened to my friend, and if it is a joke, tell me now, because this is a very, very sick joke." Harry said seriously to Hermione.  
  
How could Hermione tell him? She was so upset, she wished she could tell him later, like...never, but Harry was Ron's friend too, it was her duty to tell him.  
  
So Hermione explained the whole thing to Harry as Ron still hummed 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat', about her writing the paper, going crazy and then putting a curse on it. It took about five minutes to tell Harry. And in the end Harry looked very scared.  
  
"What have you done with Ron, Hermione?!" He asked. " You've turned your future boyfriend into a...a...-" Harry couldn't really find a word to describe Ron's dumbness.  
  
"PUMPKIN!" Ron shouted randomly.  
  
"Exactly!" Harry said agreeing with Ron. "You've turned Ron into a pumpkin! So I demand that you change him back into a wizard!" Harry said folding his arms across his chest.  
  
"Look, were going to be late for breakfast," Hermione said glancing down at her watch that read 7:25, she couldn't believe that she woke up earlier then that, because she usually woke up just about that time. "So why don't we just try to make up a solution in the Great Hall" Ron was now singing the 'Bah Bah Black Sheep' song.  
  
"Alright." Harry said nodding agreeing with Hermione. "I would probably think better with a full stomach. And then we also have the whole day today and tomorrow!" Harry said trying to cheer up Hermione a little who had on a glum looking face.  
  
Just then, Hermione burst into tears and wailed, "JUST WHEN RON TELLS ME HE LIKES ME, HE GOES INSANE! HOW LUCKY AM I?!"  
  
"Look Hermione, lets go down to the Great Hall and-" Harry started but Hermione was still wailing  
  
"AND I SWEAR I WILL GO INSANE TOO!" Hermione shrieked running to the wall and then banging her head on it over and over and then she saw blackness...  
  
..........::::::MEANWHILEBOYS DORM::::::..........  
  
Harry stared at Hermione who was now knocked out and sprawled around on the ground. Hermione must have been very upset. Poor her.  
  
"What happened to Hermione, Harry?" Ron asked as he looked at Hermione. "And why is she bleeding...WE MUST CALL MADAME- MADAME...Harry, what's the name of our school nurse?"  
  
"Oh this is bad-" Harry said nervously. He walked over to Hermione and crouched over to her and screamed 'HERMIONE WAKE UP!' right into her ear. It worked (YAY) and Hermione sprung up and knocked Harry over, grabbed Ron by the hand, and ran for the door, but she kinda ran right into it, not to hard though.  
  
"WE NEED TO TELL SOMEONE! HARRY! HURRY AND FOLLOW ME!" Hermione shrieked.  
  
"Look! STOP! PAUSE! FREEZE!" Harry bellowed. Ron froze and Hermione turned to Harry. "Hermione your acting just as stupid as Ron, no offence Ron-"  
  
"None taken!" Ron said happily.  
  
"Quietly and peacefully, we are going to walk out of the Gryffindor common room, and then wait for my following instuctions, got me?" Harry said slowly so Ron and Hermione could fully understand. His two friends nodded. "GOOD! Now follow me!"  
  
So Hermione and Ron followed Harry and there were no problems, oh wait there was one small one when Ron tripped and almost fell flat on his face but that wasn't a big deal, they only reached the problem when they climbed out of the portrait hole.  
  
"SNAPE?!" Hermione and Harry screamed in unison.  
  
"Hi!" Ron smiled at he waved at Snape.  
  
Snape stood there, red with fury holding up a piece of parchment with Hermione's name on it.  
  
"Didn't Ron burn that?" Harry asked Hermione as he realized that paper was THE paper.  
  
"Uh..." Hermione muttered. " I kinda re-wrote the whole thing this morning too-"  
  
"SO SNAPE WILL GO MAD TOO! WAHOOOOO!" Harry shouted with joy.  
  
"Uh, no Harry, I only placed the curse on one of the papers and-" Hermione tried to explain but Snape interrupted her.  
  
"I DO NOT PUT DEODERANT ON MY HAIR!" Snape shrieked. "MY OFFICE...NOW!"  
  
$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%  
  
Ok I wrote this chapter at 12 at night don't mind if it was strange and didn't make sense at times 


	4. Madame Pomfrey, the evil demon of doom

sunflower seed- Hee hee! ^-^ I like being random!  
  
Hayley- Hey Hayley! Guess what my name is? HALEY! Hee hee! How fun! ^-^  
  
delciousweasley- glad that I make u laugh!  
  
Tokyobabe2040- yesh, monkeys are funny!  
  
maNic aNgsT- WRITING!  
  
Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar? Not me?...uh I forget the rest. So anyway! WHO LIKED CHAPTER 3?!  
  
A bazillion people: WE DID! NOW GIMME CHAPPIE 4!  
  
I can't hear you?!  
  
People: *louder* GIMME CHAPPIE 4!  
  
I can hear you! Now here is Chapter 4!  
  
*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*  
  
Chapter 4: Madame Pomfrey, the evil demon of doom  
  
Snape sat on the edge of his seat at his desk glaring at Hermione.  
  
"Please explain this!" Snape spat throwing the paper Hermione wrote this morning in her face.  
  
"Professor Snape, that paper isn't mine...I didn't write it, perhaps the person who wrote it just put my name on it." Hermione said trying her best trying to get out of the situation as she, Ron and Harry stood in front of Snape's desk.  
  
"I don't believe you." Snape said. Hermione felt so angry she just wanted to kill Snape. The anger rose in her...there was no way of stopping it from exploding.  
  
"LOOK!" Hermione shrieked in Snape's face. "RON HAS GONE MAD BECAUSE I BY ACCIDENTLY PLACED SOME CURSE ON HIM! PLEASE HELP HIM BEFORE I PUT THAT SAME CURSE ON YOU...YOU...YOU BASTARD!"  
  
Harry gasped "Hermione swore! That's a first!" Harry took out a note book and wrote 'November 23rd, Hermione says her first curse word around me... she called Professor Snape a 'BASTARD'  
  
Snape raised an eyebrow at Hermione, he got up and put his hand on Ron's shoulder.  
  
"Your friend has not gone mad!" Snape said chucking as Ron was trying to touch his noes with his tongue. "He's always like this!" Hermione glared angrily at Snape.  
  
"IF YOU DON'T BELIVE ME I'LL GO TO SOME ONE ELSE WHO DOES!" Hermione screamed grabbing Ron's hand and heading towards the door.  
  
"Uh, you can't do that Ms. Granger, I haven't given you a punishment for calling me a bastard, not agreeing with me, and writing that I put deodorant in my hair!" Snape smiled evilly as he walked back to his desk and sat down calmly.  
  
"Fine!" Hermione huffed with fury. "What's my punishment?"  
  
"300 points for Gryffindor," Snape began still grinning evilly. Hermione and Harry's jaw fell. Ron giggled as though he was flirting with someone. "And Hermione, you have to stay here all Saturday and do extra credit for 7th years!"  
  
"NO!" Hermione complained. "I HAVE TO HELP RON!" She was almost about to burst in tears. "IF NOT HE'LL GO INSANE!" Hermione screamed as her bottom lip began to tremble.  
  
"Oh well! Potter, Weasley, you may leave!" Snape said snobbishly saving his hand towards the door. Harry hung his head sadly and walked towards the door.  
  
"Come one Ron, lets go and try to find you help." Harry mumbled sorrowfully as he put his hand on the doorknob. But Ron didn't follow, he stood where he was still trying to get his tongue to touch his noes. Harry rolled his eyes and grabbed Ron by the hand and dragged him out of Snape's office.  
  
"Ron, where are we gonna go to find you help?" Harry asked, obviously knowing he was not going to get a response because now Ron found a dust ball on the ground and started playing with it.  
  
Suddenly he heard McGonagall's voice from around a corner in the hallway, she was shrieking her head off at a student.  
  
"GET TO MADAME POMFREY MR. JONES! I WILL BE WRITING TO YOUR PARENTS WHAT YOU HAVE DONE! Smoking Marijuana! I think a student your age should know how bad that is!"  
  
It suddenly struck Harry and he had to go see Madame Pomfrey. She could cure Ron in two seconds!  
  
"MADAME POMFREY MADAME POMFREY!" Harry screamed as he grabbed Ron's hand and ran to the hospital wing. "MADAME POMFREY! I HAVE A HUGE EMERGANCY!" Harry bellowed slamming the door to the hospital wing open.  
  
"I'm sorry" Madame Pomfrey said as Harry and Ron entered the hospital wing. "But I'm just too busy painting my nails!"  
  
"BUT YOUR NOT EVEN PAINTING YOUR NAILS!" Harry complained  
  
"OOH! I LIKE THE SMELL OF NAIL POLISH!' Ron said happily. Harry groaned.  
  
"I TOLD YOU I'M TO BUSY!" Madame Pomfrey shrieked as her eyes turned all red and scary and it seemed like a cold gust of wing blew from behind her. Harry, who was mortally frightened of this grabbed Ron's hand again and ran quickly out of the hospital wing.  
  
As Harry ran as fast as he could to get away from that terrible demon or whatever Madame Pomfrey was when all of the sudden he ran into something...or someone!  
  
*scary music plays*  
  
And then Ron stopped suddenly to laugh and point at the music that was playing  
  
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I'm sorry this chapter was kinda short I'll make sure the next one it longer! *the scary music from the end of the chapter plays* NO NO NO! WRONG MUSIC! *changes record and it plays some happy music* AHH! BETTER!  
  
WHAT OR WHO DID HARRY AND RON BUMP INTO?  
  
AND WILL RON EVER BE NORMAL?! 


	5. A boy named tablecloth

I'm sorry my last chappie was so short! I was like...spacing then. Anyways SCHOOL! *sobs* Oh well.  
  
Tokyobabe2040- I agree, cheese is good! But I don't like cheese puffs...or cheetos...or stuff like that for some odd reason, OH WELL! Thanks for reviewing!  
  
'Mione Weasley- CONTINUING WITH THE STORY! MWAHAHAHA!  
  
Wicca Willow- Your welcome! I'm glad you were happy when you read my story! This chapter shall be very very funny! I hope! ^_^  
  
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Chapter 5: A Boy Named Tablecloth  
  
That something Harry and Ron happened to run into was... (DUN DUN DUN)  
  
"BILL GATES?" shrieked Harry in fear as he stared up at Bill who was smiling down at the two boys.  
  
"The muffin man!" giggled Ron stupidly.  
  
Bill Gates smiled suddenly turned into a frown when Ron called him the muffin man and he glared down at Ron and Harry angrily. "For your advice," spat Bill, and for some odd reason he had a lisp. "I am not the muffin man!" He took his index finger and shoved his glasses up the bridge of this nose with it.  
  
Geek.  
  
Ron, for some reason, found that amusing, and he wouldn't stop giggling at Mr. Gates. "Your funny Mr. Tree!" laughed Ron. Bill Gates stared at Ron in pity. Since his own intelligence was very advanced and Ron's was similar to a mushroom.  
  
"So boys! What's your IQ numbers?" asked Bill. Again with the lisp, spitting all over Ron and Harry. Ron tittered but Harry, like a normal person, found it disgusting and revolting. So Harry wiped the drops of saliva off his face quickly.  
  
"Say it, don't spray it dude." Harry said. "And about our IQ's, Ron's is probably a corn flake and mine has to be about a bazillion!" lied Harry. "So, dude, why are you here?"  
  
"I fix computers!" Bill said happily.  
  
LISP!  
  
"That's a funny word!" Ron said grinning. "Compuders!" said Ron making a great attempt to say a muggle word that was too advanced for him. And then randomly, Ron fell onto the floor laughing his head off and rolling around at Harry and Bill's feet.  
  
"Look Dude-" Harry started, but then Bill Gates cut him off.  
  
"WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING ME DUDE? WHAT DOES DUDE MEAN? AND HOW YOU FEEL IF WHEN YOU WERE IN 8TH GRADE EVERYONE CALLED YOU TABLECLOTH! HMMM?! HOW WOULD YOU FEEL?" spat Bill...like literally. Harry stared blinking at Bill as Ron was still laughing and rolling around on the floor. And then Harry saw a puddle of yellow...damn, Ron doesn't know how to control his bladder anymore...Must get help for him.  
  
"Well, Mr. Gates, I don't know much about computers but-" stared Harry, but then Bill interrupted him, again.  
  
"GRRRRR MY COMPANY IS BETTER THEN ANY OTHER COMPUTER COMPANY OUT THERE! SO DON'T BE SAYIN' THAT THIS COOL COMPAN IS BETTER THEN MINE! KAY?! KAY!" Shrieked Bill Gates as he spat all over Harry with his stupid lisp. Harry now realized that Ron had stopped rolling and laughing on the floor, instead he was lying on the floor staring up at the ceiling and whispering 'Rub a Dub Dub three men in a tub'.  
  
"Um, I wasn't going to say anything about computers." Harry said. "Actually, I was wondering if you knew anything about spells and-" But yet again, Mr. Gates interrupted Harry.  
  
"You want to know about spell check?! Spell check is very simple all you have to do is-"  
  
LISP  
  
"NO!" Screamed Harry. "WILL YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME DUDE! MY RED HEADED FRIEND HAS TURNED INTO A MENTAL BLOB OF SKIN AND BONES! DO YOU GET IT?! I NEED A MAGIC SPELL TO HELP HIM TURN BACK TO NORMAL!"  
  
Bill Gates smiled down at Harry and chuckled. "How should I know anything about magic spells?!" asked Bill "I fix computers!" he added graciously.  
  
The anger grew in Harry so much that Harry just slapped Bill. And-  
  
"HOLY SHIT HIS HEAD FELL OFF!" screamed Harry as he watched Bill's head roll down the hallway smiling. "Oh well."  
  
Harry helped Ron up from the ground and started wandering around the halls with Ron following him giggling at random paintings in the hall.  
  
Where could Harry go for help? Madame Pomfrey wouldn't help him because she was too busy 'painting her nails', one of the smartest nerds in the world wouldn't help him, Hermione was in detention, and he dared not to go to Snape. AH HA! He could go to Elijah Wood! He was smart! But no he was probably off driving around in his awesome mini cooper somewhere with about a gazillion girls shoved in that tiny piece of blue metal.  
  
Then it hit him! HE COULD GO TO DUMBLEDORE! YEAH!  
  
So Harry and Ron flew up to the entrance of Dumbledore's office. "WWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Ron screamed as he trailed behind Harry. "I'M FLYING! WATCH ME FLY MUMMY! IT'S JUST LIKE MAGIC!"  
  
After Harry guessed the password (Thongs and panties) into Dumbeldore's office, the Gargoyle that guarded the office sprung to life, did the can- can, and moved out of Harry and Ron's way.  
  
"HEADMASTER! HEADMASTER!" Shrieked Harry, then just realizing he was screaming like a girl. "I mean, HEADMASTER! HEADMASTER!" He screamed in a deeper manly voice. Ron giggled at this and skipped into the office.  
  
"Yes, Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley, I have been waiting for you." Said a raspy old voice from behind a spinning office chair, the man's back faced the two boys.  
  
"You have?" Harry asked.  
  
"Oh yes, I watch you all the time." Said the old voice, it definitely wasn't Dumbeldore's. Harry's nose scrunched up in confusion.  
  
"WHO ARE YOU, YOU STALKER!" Harry screamed in his high pitched girly voice and ran over to the office chair, span it around revealing.....  
  
"JENNIFER LOPEZ!" squawked Ron happily giggling and spinning around in circles.  
  
"No! It's not J Lo Ron, but I must say her J Glow perfume does smell wonderful on me! But it's, it's, THE PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY!" Harry said loudly.  
  
"DAMNIT!" Screamed the doughboy in his normal voice throwing his chef hat onto the floor and jumping on it! Ron squealed with delight as he poked the doughboy in his belly button, making both Ron and the doughboy giggle insanely.  
  
Harry, who couldn't take on bit of this seized the doughboy by this through and held a random sword from the movie Lord of the Rings to his neck.  
  
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO DUMBELDORE!" Harry shrieked. The doughboy spat in Harry's face. "THAT'S IT!" screamed Harry louder. "THAT IS THE LAST TIME I GET SPAT IN THE FACE TODAY!" And just before Harry was about to slit the doughboy's head off the office door slam open, and there was standing Hermione.  
  
"HERMIONE!" Harry said happily in relief dropping both the sword and the Pillsbury doughboy. The doughboy ran over to a corner and started mumbling 'NASTY FATS HOBBIT! IT'S RUNIS IT!'  
  
"HURRY, HARRY! RON! SNAPE'S AFTER ME!" Screamed Hermione as she grabbed Ron's hand and flew towards the door but standing there was-  
  
"SNAPE!" screamed Hermione and Harry with fear.  
  
"AND HE HAS AN AXE!" Added Harry in his shrilling girly voice  
  
"Oh I have you three now!" Snape said grinning evilly at the trio. Then he spotted the Pillsbury doughboy and glared at him in anger. "Hand it over boy." He said to the dough figure that was now trying to hide him in a book bigger then he.  
  
"NEVER!" barked the doughboy.  
  
"OR I'LL MAKE YOU LISTEN TO MICHAEL JACKSON!" Snape screamed.  
  
"NO! NOT JACKSON! ANYTHING BUT HIM!" screeched the boy as he threw the chef hat at Snape ran over towards the window, on his way knocking down books and other knick-knacks of Dumledore's and jumped out the open window.  
  
SPLAT! ^-^  
  
"YOU MURDURER!" Hermione screamed running towards the door again but Snape blocked her way. "HE MADE EXCELLENT BUNS!"  
  
"Leaving so soon?" Snape cackled evilly. "I THINK NOT!" Ron found this funny and started laughing insanely.  
  
"YOU GOT THAT FROM A RIDE IN SEA WORLD!" Spat The Pillsbury doughboy as he head popped in the window. Snape glared evilly picked up the axe and pulled out a Michael Jackson record from his robe. The doughboy gave a little shriek of horror and fell from the window again.  
  
SPLAT! Again! ^-^  
  
"Hey lookie!" Ron screamed happily. "It's Justin Timberlake!" he said pointing out the window.  
  
"Where?! I MUST GET HIS AUTOGRAPH! I MEAN! I LOVED HIM EVER SINCE N'SYNC!" Snape said excitingly, dropping his axe, and running to the window, sticking his head out of it. Hermione, who we all know thinks quickly, ran over to him and shoved him out the window and Ron suddenly began to sing. "THE WINDOW! THE WINDOW! WE THREW HIM OUTT HE WINDOW!"  
  
No splat.  
  
"Hey...where's the cream filling?" Asked Ron randomly. Harry peeked his head a little out the window to see what happened to Snape, his cloak had snagged on a tree branch and he was stuck in the tree. Harry chuckled, shut the window and turned around to see Hermione making out with Ron.  
  
"Uh! GROSS!" Harry said girly like. "Like gag me with a spoon! And get a room!"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
What is wrong with Hogwarts?! WHY DO STRANGE PEOPLE KEEP BRAKING IN!? Why is Harry speaking like a girl? AND WHAT WILL SNAPE DO STUCK IN THAT TREE?  
  
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! FUN! Tell me what you want to see in the next chappie in your review and there it will be! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! But it will only be in the story if it's worthy enough, and when it comes to me, everything is worthy! 


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